Unbalancing Act (51)

You know your life is off balance when you put ‘something fun’ on your weekend to-do list. Even worse, when you don’t manage to cross it off. That pretty much sums up my life lately. It’s not that I’m miserable, mind you, it’s just that I’m not actually having much fun right now. Ironically, my New Year’s resolution this year was just that – have more fun. Like so many other resolution makers, I started off well. I had begun dating again, going out to movies, restaurants, museums, just enjoying life. But by March, my resolution was all but dead and buried.

It began slowly. I was fixing my house up to sell, so I began to spend weekends painting and making repairs. Then I had to pack away most of the upstairs, no easy task given my hundreds of books, in order to prepare for the new carpet installation. I spent a lot of time going through my stuff, sorting it out for donations and packing up the rest. Lowe’s and Home Depot became my weekend haunts as I upgraded the bathrooms and kitchen in the hope of a faster and more profitable sale. I told myself that I’d start having more fun again once I moved into a new house in the summer. After all, I’d have less to clean and maintain at a smaller house, and I’d be closer to the city center. I’d buy season tickets to something and go out a lot more. Just let me sell this house first!

Then came the fire and all its consequences. There was a month right after the fire when I really was miserable. But the worst is over (I say cautiously). I did go out and have a bit of fun this summer when the kids were home. My daughter and I shared some good times together before she headed for college out of state. Now that the kids are back at college and I’m on my own, I should be enjoying my extra free time. Oh wait, I still have to work for a living. Lately, I’ve been putting in quite a few 10 hour days. I know it won’t last forever, but at the moment, it’s exhausting. Instead of hitting the town on the weekend, I’m hitting the couch or bed. Doing something ‘fun’ is just one more task. Let me just sit here and stare at the TV or even better, I’ll go take a nap.

I would probably get around to more fun stuff if I had a partner. That’s what the experts say about keeping your exercise commitments – make yourself accountable by teaming up with someone. Of course, the perk of being single is that I’m not accountable to anyone. Still, I need to break the cycle of work-errands-couch-bed, repeat over and over again. Maybe if I fought my night owl nature and got myself to bed at a decent hour, I’d have more energy by the time the weekend rolls around. Working less would help, too, but I can’t control that as easily. I also need to start looking for furniture and appliances and electronics more seriously now if I don’t want to end up sitting on the floor doing nothing in six weeks when I (hopefully) move back to my house. For some, shopping is fun, but for me, it’s a chore. Just thinking about it makes me tired again. But maybe that’s the heat. Austin is breaking records with the number of 100+ days this summer. I long for some cool autumn days to energize myself, give me that sense of renewal that the start of the school year always brings. I’m going through some unusual circumstances right now and I’m not quite sure how to bring more balance back into my life. I’m determined keep trying, though, right after my next nap.

A good time with the kids

This entry was posted in Austin, House Fire, House Sale, My Life, Personal Memoir, Shopping, Uncategorized, Work Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Unbalancing Act (51)

  1. shoshwrites says:

    I used to set lots of goals and even subgoals when I was younger. Nowadays, sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t, but it’s always broad in nature like ‘having more fun’ or ‘get out more’!

  2. I stopped setting New Year’s resolutions a long time ago. They were the usual ones: lose weight, exercise more, work less, enjoy life more. All I ever accomplished was setting myself up for disappointment and the feeling of failure that comes with not achieving what you have set out to do. I am now kinder to myself and allow myself to be human and fallible. Yes, I still need and want to lose weight, and yes, I will exercise again when I have more time, more energy, and more desire. I am no longer the goal driven person that I once was. I forgive myself for a lot of things in the past, the present, and perhaps the future. I have only left myself one project. I like the word “project” better than goal as it does not require a time limit. I want to write the Great American Novel. Who knows? That may actually happen.

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